True belonging when we need it most

Social spaces these days can be brutal.

Rage-baiting, shame, judgment, accusation, and indifference abound. Since the most recent U.S. presidential election, I have yet to experience a single day on social media or reading the news when those activities have given me a genuine sense of safety or community.

It’s a heartbreaking realization for an empathetic soul—that somehow, despite our convictions to live a life that reflects the heart of Christ, we fall so short. How did we get to this dumpster fire society of insult-hurling and othering?

I can’t help but wonder if it happened, in part, because we minimized the true power of belonging.

We each have our own safe circles and communities. We tend to keep to the groups that help us feel the safest and most accepted, whether our family, circle of friends, spiritual community, coworkers, or support groups.

I’m hesitant to theorize about the psychology of belonging as I’m not an expert, but as a human being I have borne witness to well-intentioned notions of belonging actually leading to more exclusion. I have stood on stages at large churches, with my whole heart on my sleeve, and sincerely welcomed masses to a place of “belonging”—while offstage I helped maintain systems that isolated and excluded others because of differences that threatened the status quo. God forgive me.

There is so much around us that we can’t control and even more that causes us to doubt our ability to make even the smallest impact for good. It’s challenging enough to find things we can tolerate about people we don’t agree with, let alone find thing things we love. I can’t help but wonder if that is the intention of those spreading noise and chaos.

If belonging is rooted in a sense of comfort and safety (and dare I say joy?) while among others, it makes sense that isolation would be its opposite. How quick we are to pick off and destroy, to divide and conquer any time we feel isolated or that our right to belong is threatened.

But with so many individual opportunities and invitations to belong, have we forgotten that we are fundamentally part of one group—the human race? Is it really that easy to dismiss the call to love our neighbors as ourselves?

I hope not.

Perhaps it is naiveté, but I do still believe there is hope. Harbor is one of the reasons I cling to that belief. In this community I see a kaleidoscope of uniqueness and inclusion. Ex-evangelical, differing mainstream Christian traditions, agnostics, mystics, and other acentric spiritual paths all come together simply to see and be seen. Harbor is gay, straight, married, single, cis, trans, and non-binary. We are multiracial, multicultural, and transnational.

I have no issues going on record that I am less exposed or educated than some others at Harbor. But this microcosm of humanity reminds me that I don’t have to look like, speak like, or believe like anyone else in order to belong.

Our community has adopted a phrase that is written all over our website: “If you want to belong, you belong.”

I bet if you asked six people at Harbor to explain what that means, you would get six different answers.

For me, it means that I belong simply because I am present. I exist right along with every other human at Harbor—imperfect, growing, questioning, and undeniably human. Belonging to every other human just as they belong with me.

That is enough for now, and God knows more than I do how much it is needed.