Let your yes be yes
“Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No’; anything more than this comes from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37
This verse has resonated with me for most of my life, but recently, I’ve been reflecting on it more deeply (I even preached about it this past Sunday). Two recent encounters prompted me to explore its spiritual significance. One of them involves my two-year-old son, Beckham, who loves playing baseball with my dad (his “Baba”). I call my dad an embarrassing number of times each week, and every time Beckham hears his voice, he immediately asks, “Baba, can we play baseball?” My dad, who is the most reliable person I know and who I’ve always counted on to show up for our family (though he can be a little grumpy and reluctant with commitments), responded one day with, “Maybe.”
To my surprise, this “maybe” affected Beckham. He told me anxiously, “Mama, Baba might play baseball with me. Maybe.” After noticing this dynamic, I told my dad, “No more maybe. You have to tell Beckham yes or no.” Since that conversation, my dad is clear and now he even drives 30 minutes to our place once a week to take Beckham out for “baseball practice.” Beckham is thriving, and I’d say my dad is, too. His clear “yes” and follow-through with Beckham really matter.
The same goes for “yes” and “no” in our communities. The second reason I’ve been pondering this verse has to do with a church event. This summer I planned an event with someone who changed their plans at the last minute and told me they couldn’t attend. I’d like to think that on my best days I could handle this with grace, feel the disappointment, and let it go. But on that hot summer day, as an overtired mom juggling babysitting and logistics to make the event happen, I didn’t have enough capacity to deal well with someone not following through on their yes. It wore me out. I shared with another pastor friend, “This is what burns me out in ministry: people saying they’ll show up and then not following through.”
Let’s return to Jesus’ words: Let your word be ‘Yes, Yes’ or ‘No, No.’ Jesus doesn’t say we must say “yes” to everything. Many of us have experienced the burnout that comes from being in communities where the only acceptable answer is “yes.” That’s not what Jesus is asking of us. He’s more interested in people following through with their word. I can imagine him saying to us today, “Just make a decision. Be clear. Yes or no. Follow through.”
My dad’s yes and follow-through matter. So do mine and yours. In community—especially in church communities where we’re reimagining what belonging looks like—our yes and no deeply matter. Our words and actions lay the foundation for cultivating trust.
As we reflect on Jesus’ words, let’s embrace the invitation to be clear, honest, and reliable in our commitments. It’s not about saying “yes” to everything or trying to avoid disappointing others. It’s about creating a space where trust can flourish—where we can depend on each other and build deeper relationships, knowing that when someone says “yes,” they mean it, and when someone says “no,” that is truly respected.
In a world where commitment can often feel shaky, let’s be people who bring integrity to both yes and no, and in doing so, build the kind of community where we thrive in our growing sense of trust and belonging.
