We never outgrow the need to be loved
I spent this past week on my beloved island, Prince Edward Island, camping and visiting family and friends. It was not enough time, it never is, for me to really sink into being home, but it was restorative nonetheless. To me, PEI is family. With both my parents gone, my aunts and uncles aging and dying, there is a new urgency for me to get home and spend as much time with them as I can. Thankfully, the past couple of years have been wonderful times of reconnecting with cousins.
As I soaked in the warm waters off of Point Prim with my oldest cousin, her husband turned to her and asked, “So, Carolyn, how does it feel to have your youngest cousin turning 50?” Yes. This year, I turn 50, and I am feeling it. These days, being with my family is the only time I ever feel young. Carolyn simply shrugged. She is 70 (I’m pretty sure) and so our generation spans 20 years. I am actually the youngest of my generation on both sides of my family.
With this milestone just over three months away, age is no longer a concept. My body just doesn’t repair as it once did. I have developed a heart condition (genetics for the win) and even cataracts! I heard David Duchovny recently talk about how hard it was for him to learn guitar in his 50s by saying his brain isn’t as “spongy” as when he was younger and boy did that resonate. More days than not, writing my dissertation was like pulling blood from a stone.
I’m also considering how in my 20s I considered 50 year olds as so much older than I currently feel. Watching a movie recently with some younger friends, one declared about a character, “Ewwww, he must be 50!” Now it was in comparison to his much younger (and inappropriate) love interest, but still! It was a reminder that there are things in this world that are considered “too young” for me. Thankfully we are getting rid of the “dress for your age” advice but I am still gravitating towards more comfort and coverage.
They say with age comes wisdom. I will let others judge if that is true for me. What I feel, though, is more curiosity. I feel like a beginner in so many areas of my life. Maybe that is why deconstruction is so intriguing and important to me at this stage of my life. I mean, I am older than Jesus now.
For all but about 10 years of my life I have been following a man in his 30s who says such important and compelling things that he was crucified for telling us to love each other. Now that I am almost 20 years his senior I see him less as a god and more as a sage and rabbi, learning along with the rest of us. It affects how I engage with others as we walk this road together. He never fails to teach me new things. And, I also wonder if he was still sitting at the feet of elders during his own ministry. I hope so. Did he look across fields with older farmers and listen to their stories about the land? Did he sit for tea with women his mother’s age and ask for advice?
I am trying to avoid the messages about staying young or aging with vitality. I want to age with contentment and satisfaction. Maybe that is why we want to take on new things as we get older, to recover that sense of accomplishment from the days we were constantly being promoted and graduating and advancing. But there was once this 30 year old who found 12 friends and walked and talked, touching people’s lives in profound ways, knowing his end was coming and yet still let days and journeys unfold as they would. Perhaps he was older than we give him credit for.
Returning to my family beach on PEI, there will always be places and people who make us feel young, not in the energy and adventure of our youth but the need to be embraced, comforted, even teased by our older relatives. We never outgrow the need to be loved. Jesus knew that, which is why he amazed people young and old.
In case you are curious, here are a few more things turning 50 this year.
Watergate
Dungeons and Dragons
ABBA’s victory at Eurovision
Rubik’s Cube
Post-its
Bailey’s Irish Cream
The Heimlich Maneuver
The Princess Bride
