Is “Misguided Ghosts” the anthem we need?
In our Thursday night conversations, we’ve wrapped up our long journey through the Gospel of John. Soon we’ll start some new extended explorations together in our gatherings. But this week we’ll be discussing music and its role in spirituality and faith. If all goes according to plan, we’ll even have some fun musical interludes.
So music has been on my mind this week.
We’ve talked about music in some Harbor after-parties and lunch calls. Usually we mention either our current favorite jams or songs that have been helpful in our deconstruction/reconstruction journeys. But for some reason, in all those chats, I’ve never mentioned one of the great deconstruction tunes of my lifetime: Paramore’s “Misguided Ghosts.”
You can listen to it here on Spotify or right here on YouTube. Go ahead and click a link to listen now, if you have an extra three minutes.
See, I’m trying to find my place
In interviews, lyricist Hayley Williams seems to identify this—finding her place in the world—as the central theme of the song, which she says “embodies every random, confusing emotion that I’ve ever had about living in this crazy world.”
Throughout the song, we catch glimpses of why it’s so difficult to find one’s place in the world:
Freedom might not feel safe
Some places feel safe but aren’t
Sometimes we lack direction
Sometimes we lack conviction
Life requires painful compromise
It’s hard to find people to rely on
“The ones we trusted the most pushed us far away”
There is not one prescribed, correct way to be in this world
There’s a lot of emotion and insight in this short song (written in 2008 by a 20-year-old). I feel like I could spend a lot of fruitful time listening to this song and reflecting on these bullet points. But right now I have a blog post to write.
The ones we trusted the most
This line (and those just after it) is what, to me, connects it so strongly to the exvangelical journey:
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away.
And there's no one road,
And we should not be the same.
Now, not all of us were pushed far away by family, pastors, Bible study leaders, and closest friends. For instance, I’ve been blessed with incredibly supportive family and friends. But this theme, broadly construed, hits so close to home for so many. Women who feel called to ministry, queer people who want to love and be loved, and basically anyone who wants full dignity and humanity who isn’t a cis straight white married devout landowning man.
The message, over time, became clear: if you were assigned male at birth, conform yourself to this image of manhood. If you were assigned female at birth, marry a man and conform him to this image of manhood.
…And we trusted these people.
We should not be the same
This is why I love this song. “There’s no one road, and we should not be the same.” We can and should and must and WILL be whoever we are: queer, straight, trans, old, awkward, thoughtful, loud, young, shy, artistic, confused, evolving, curious, neurodivergent, faithful, doubting, and whatever other gifts God has given us, each and every one made in the divine image.
We may feel like ghosts sometimes, but we travel these circles together. And may our message to one another along the way echo another lyric from this song:
You are not useless.
