Hate the Belief, Love the Believer
If you grew up evangelical and you’re anywhere near my age, certain cultural markers were ubiquitous:
WWJD bracelets
DC Talk and Jars of Clay
Smelly Christian music festivals
"Hate the sin, love the sinner”
And many more. While the first three items above were arguably harmless, the last one—a phrase that practically took on an aura of biblical authority—has often been weaponized. It never seems to be used to foster “hatred” of greed, warmongering, or systemic oppression; it is only dusted off when Christians are trying to oppose LGBTQ sexuality, relationships, or rights.
What’s wrong with the phrase?
In short: almost everything. In the context in which it’s often used (anti-LGTBQ rhetoric), we have reason to criticize the “hate,” “sin,” and “sinner” parts of the phrase. This has already been done, roundly, by many writers. If you’re interested in further reading, here are a few pieces: Jonathan Merritt questions the history of the phrase; Justin Lee points out that love requires concrete action, not just saying you love; Jovie Wilkinson distinguishes between God’s complex hatred of sin and people’s hatred of sin, which just leads to actual hatred of other people.
This last point is actually being backed up by data. An article in Psychology Today last year reported on the results of a 2018 study about religious beliefs and attitudes toward the LGBTQ community. The researchers found that the more someone believed in the merit of “hate the sin, love the sinner,” the more likely they were to feel disdain for LGBTQ people—the so-called sinners they were supposed to be loving.
The researchers determined that causing your own feelings toward someone to be more conflicted actually enhances your negative, rather than positive, attitudes. They further concluded:
For people who heard the phrase, “I love the sinner, but hate the sin” frequently, religious attendance was strongly linked to negative attitudes toward sexual minorities; for those who rarely or never heard the phrase, there was almost no relation between religious attendance and negative attitudes toward sexual minorities. This further supports the idea that “loving the sinner, hating the sin” promotes hate, not love.
Turning the tables
My wife recently purchased a t-shirt that says “Hate the Belief, Love the Believer.” On the surface, of course, this is just a clever way to throw the idea of conflicted-attitudes-that-include-hatred back at evangelicals. But upon further reflection, I continue to be amazed by just how clever it really is.
Okay, so underneath all this rhetoric is the question of whether this ambivalence, this loving a person while hating their alleged sin, is even possible. It would seem so in some cases of actual bad behavior. If your sibling, spouse, or close friend robs a bank or drives while drunk or cheats on taxes or is rude to a stranger or (fill in the blank), you may very well still love them while hating the thing they have done.
But certain aspects of a person, regardless of whether you label them “sin,” may not be hate-able if you claim to actually love a person. Can you love a music teacher while detesting their love of song? Can you hate a person’s skin color but still love the person?
Can you love a woman while hating that she is married to another woman?
Can you love a trans person while hating that they transitioned to expressing what they discern is their true gender identity?
The answer to each question is either “yes” or “no.” I won’t even weigh in here on my opinions. But the beauty of the t-shirt is that whichever answer the evangelical gives (though they would very likely say yes to the final two questions), they are hoisted by their own petard.
If it is possible to love someone while abhorring something that is a vital part of who they are, then accept this message, O evangelical: I love you, though I absolutely detest your beliefs—your anti-LGBTQ bigotry, your oppression of queer folks within your churches, your opposition to equal rights… your patriarchal leadership, your insistence on biblical inerrancy, your obsession with individual eternal salvation, your condemnation of non-Christians, your spending billions of dollars to convert people to your beliefs while the planet burns and so many go hungry…
If this seems untenable—if in fact it is not possible for me to love you while hating most of the beliefs you hold deeply in your heart that shape the person you are—then I guess maybe we were always joking about that whole “love the sinner” part?
If you’re tired of trite phrases that don’t mean anything and just spread hatred, click here to join us for a meaningful conversation that does mean something and spreads love.
